I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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