Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
