I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
