You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
