dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
