Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
