And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
