Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
