Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
