I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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