Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
