come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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