the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
