1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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