I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Enjoy the penises
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
