I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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