eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
