i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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