what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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