Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
