I am spending my child support on dildos
she looked like the before picture.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
