So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
