So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
