i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
