u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
