Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
