I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
