I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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