I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
