it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
