My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
