I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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