that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
