id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
