Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
