I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Randomize
