...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
