I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
