hell yes lets make some ravioli
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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