im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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