actually, I'm a sock model
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
