As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
