I am spending my child support on dildos
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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