guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
