i think my mom watched the whole time
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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