low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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