I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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