yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
