How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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