i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
