Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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