worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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