I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
