return my video game
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
