You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
