Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
