As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
