Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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