lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
