She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Less talking, more tequila
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
