id be glad to
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
