What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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